Bonnie instantly reacted to the question, every neuron in her body instinctively snapping from the flight back into fight mode as she defended her memories and her love, and talked about Tom until they were both exhausted. She had no regrets, she explained. She just wanted more time. It wasn’t enough.

It would never be enough, she realized. If she’d had 90 years with Tom she would still have wanted more.

The second moment of synchronicity came next, “Yes!” she exclaimed. Yes, he had enriched her life.

“Well then,” came the question, “What are you going to do with all of those riches?”

The words served as an epiphany for Bonnie, allowing her to flip things around and view grief from another standpoint. She’d endured and overcome the loss of her mother when she was still a teenage girl. Now, those words reached something within Bonnie’s soul that filled her with the certainty that she would find her way through this, too.

Bonnie Carroll began drawing upon her professional experience and her personal insight to forge her way through grief’s dark shadow.

She knew people. She knew a lot of people. She was on the boards of more than one organization that served people navigating grief. Surely, she thought, she would find support there. She’d also been a leader on more than one occasion when tragedy befell her National Guard unit. Surely those skills and that experience would be enough for her to lead herself and her family through this.

They were logical thoughts. They made perfect sense. But they didn’t ring true in reality. The groups she knew were for different kinds of losses under different circumstances. “They weren’t my people. They weren’t speaking my language,’ she remembers. The loss was too personal, too closely entwined with her own heart, for her to lead anyone else through at that moment in time.

Two years after her loss, Bonnie reconnected with the other women whose husbands died with hers. The connection they had was magic, she recalls. The honesty and the hope and the healing were all organically present. They all understood each other more than anyone else in their worlds could, and Bonnie realized she’d found a powerful weapon against a debilitating adversary.

Grief can destroy the lives of those left behind. It can end lives if left unchecked. Bonnie understands this on an elite professional level and intensely deep personal level. This knowledge of grief and her insight into how to overpower it, coupled with her strong will and compassionate heart for others, compelled Bonnie to harness the power of her own pain and focus it on helping thousands of people across the world.

Bonnie Carroll is the founder of TAPS.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS)  is the country’s premier source of support and resources for people grieving the loss of anyone who has ever served in the United States Military.

While there are numerous organizations in place for families of fallen service members, there are several aspects that set TAPS apart from them. Eligibility requirements may be among the most notable differences.